Damn you Liver!!!

Were back to numbers again. So this week it was about my liver function. Apparently when I did chemo #2 my liver functions were elevated. With the blood work for I did on Monday for #3 it turns out it’s even higher than last time. So the doctor calls me and is like ohh we have the results. We’ll still give you chemo but were watching your numbers. Umm I only have 1 more chemo but ok. She explains that one of the two chemo drugs I take is known to affect the live.l Ohh look another side effect I wasn’t aware of. So then I we go thru all my meds that I can no longer take. Then I get this pause and ohh you don’t drink right. An d I’m like not right now (even tho I reserve the right to drink on occasion). She proceeds to tell me Io cant drink. Then say not even a glass of wine. OHH GREAT! It’s not like I didn’t figure that was coming but I didn’t want it said out loud. Once your not allowed to do something that’s when you really want it.

In any case I went to work last week and that was fun. I haven't physically been back in the office since I had surgery so it’s almost 3 months. It definitely doesn’t feel that long. Time is seriously flying by. I went into the plastic surgeons office today and the nurse is like were supposed to fill you today. I’m like yes. She says ohh I hope there’s room. We go into the exam room and she’s like let me get the doctor so he can take a look. She comes back in and proceeds to touch up the expander's and say ohh yah there’s space and the skin is soft. By the time the doctor comes in she’s filled the right one and were on the left one. He comes in and feels up the right one and said oh they look good and she skin is soft. He says one more expansion. So whoopie to that!! Then he asks about chemo and my last day is June 5^th! So he says looks like early August for my exchange (taking out expander and putting in the silicone gel implants). The proceeds to give me a high five..which I of course use the wrong hand (the hand on the side where the expander is being filled). I was like ohh oooops. So I found a picture online of the filler needles. The marker which is kind of ½ in the picture, lets you know the size.

So all in all I have 1 more expansion left. One more chemo (I’m not counting tomorrow’s because it’s almost here). Two more surgeries. So yayyyy!

Flash Away

Ok so it’s almost one week post chemo #2 and things have gone well. I didn’t have any nausea this time around so that was good. I also got my Nuprogen shot which helps keep my white blood count up. That means no major fatigue this time around. I was able to spend Saturday at my church carnival. I literally was out there for 8 hours with no major issue. Last chemo round, Saturday and Sunday weren’t my best days.

So today’s lesson is brought to you by the letter F (said in my best Sesame Street Voice). My biggest current complaint is HOT FLASHES. Every month I get this shot which is supposed to keep my lady bits protected from the chemo. One of the side effects of this is menopause symptoms...hence the hot flashes. These things are a pain in the butt to say the least. They don’t last super long but they happen multiple times per day. Unfortunately the pills I have to take for five years after I’m done with chemo could also cause hot flashes. I am not amused in the least. It’s causing me to have insomnia at night and be randomly uncomfortable during the day. It’s on my lovely list of things to talk to my doctor about even though I know she can’t do anything about it.

On a side note I’m back on my work-out game big time. I’m trying to hit the gym daily (Monday – Friday) either before I start working or during lunch. I feel great and my mood has definitely leveled out. I even bought a work-out mat so I can do full body exercises. I’m working out in my neighborhood gym since no-one really uses it and I have space to do everything. Of course I’m not going to overdo it and am taking baby steps. I’m 100% staying away from any chest exercises. I’m still cooking up a storm and did Roasted artichokes and a chicken meal. It was so awesome! I posted the picture below.

On the hair update I'm still enjoying the wigs but of course the hot flashes are now turning that into no fun. I told someone the other day that it's like playing dress up everyday. I get to decide who I want to be. I had a spurt of hair loss today when I went to take my shower after my work-out. It had already started growing back from when I cut it 2 weeks ago. I'm considering shaving it again but i'm not sure. Hopefully a bunch more will come out tomorrow and i'll be smooth by the end of the week. If not then it's razor time!

It's a Numbers Game

So it’s Wednesday and Chemo Day. My mom was coming with me this week so I had to switch my labwork appointment to Monday. See it’s a game when it comes to the chemo room. It’s like those college classes where you needed to come early to get the best spot. There are 12 cubby’s in the breast cancer center. Only one has to recliners. Seeing that my mom is in treatment as well I knew she couldn’t sit on one of those hard chairs for 3 hours. So with all that in mind we had an 8am appointment and came in two days early to do my labwork. As soon as we got here (8:13 am) there was another lady here with her husband. So I was like ohh Crap we needed to be so much more ontime. But God was looking out for me! The lady had to do Labs so I was called in first and was able to go on back.

On Monday I had two appointments. The first one was with the plastic surgeon to get fills and the second was with my Oncologist to get my White Blood Count (WBC). During my PS visit the nurse went over how many fills I had. At first she was counting incorrectly and said I had seven. By the time she recounted and looked closely I only had 5. So that was 300 cc’s of liquid not counting how much ever I got during surgery. She says for a fuller size they usually go to 480 or more. So that’s at least two more expansions but we’ll see how much my skin can take. Needless to say the FOOBs (fake boob expanders) are getting a little offensive. I told ppl at the end they would be really offensive in size so I’m interested to see what the next fill looks like.

So here’s your educational lesson for today. Your WBC’s fight off an infection. When ppl have chemo it kills all kinds of cells including WBC’s. That’s why my hair is falling out and my skin is SUPER smooth J. In any case a cold to a chemo patient could be death because of the body’s inability to fight it off. In any case before you can get chemo  they check your counts. If it’s too low then you have to get a shot. I wrote about this last week http://pandthebigc.blogspot.com/2012/05/ok-so-its-been-while-since-i-posted.html. So my doctor is like your counts dropped so low from the first chemo that you need to get a shot ever round. Instead of getting the less harsh drug she’s going to give me the more harsh one at a lower dose. So we’ll see how it goes this time around. I only have to do one dose the day after chemo instead of with the other drug I had to do two shots the week after. In any case I’m in chemoland today so I’m of to drink my fluids and get back to work. Yes I am working again today during chemo.. Why not. I have to keep it moving!

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow!

Ok so it’s been a while since I posted. Not because I’ve been ill but because I’ve been crazy busy with work. So now that my customer is Live… I can update everyone.

 So let’s start with my post chemo fun. For the most part I had no side effects. The trick is to drink TONS of water and keep food in my stomach. So I had to eat 6 meals a day. Unfortunately I’m not really thrilled with that. In any case I had 1 morning of nausea (like 10 min) and it was because I didn’t eat enough the night before.  I went in to see the doctor for a follow-up on Wednesday and they did some lab-work.  The doctor came in and said how my white blood count (WBC) was SUPER low. It’s supposed to be 1500 and it was 220. She’s like ohh are you tired? I was like umm not more than usual. So then she said I had to get a shot today and tomorrow to get my body to produce more WBC’s. The thing about this shot is it causes bone pain. Not like joint pain but BONE pain. I got the shot on Wednesday and had no issues. Then on Thursday about 2 hours after the shot I stated being in pain. Within an hour it was pretty bad. I remembered that ladies on the discussion board said Claritin helped. Nadia was out at church so she got some on her way home. I was a bit sore the next day but the pain went away.

One of the things that I’ve obsessed about has been my hair. Not because I was sad about losing my hair….But because I’m literally just sitting and waiting for it to fall out. So on Monday May 7^th I asked my sister to cut it off. I HATED waiting every day for it to fall out. I can be a control freak at times so I wanted to do it on my timetable. We left about a half inch all around. This Monday the hair that was left started falling out. Not a lot, but enough. So I called up my friend, who I already drafted to shave my head, and said it’s time let’s do this! There were no tears and it was smooth sailing. I do have some wigs from when Nadia had to shave her had after her surgery. So I wore them last week to get used to it. Below are some pictures.

After the clippers made it's first pass:

Clean shave! No hair...

Wig #1

Wig #2



Three Days of non-Stop Fun!

WARNING: This is a long post but it's so worth it!

Ok so my week has been crazy busy. On Monday I had my Tissue expanders filled. They are looking quite nice right now. They’re like a small C big B. I picked my mom up from her house so she could see the process. Of course now that I’m getting larger the lady is asking me what size I want to be and then when I respond she’s amends her previous number of fills left (1 or 2). To say we’ll fill you until your skin can’t take it. Maybe 3 or 4 more fills. I’m not sure if there’s that much room in there but we’ll see. I’ve had weight issues all my life and if I gain weight again; which I hope won’t happen; I’m going to want my boobs not to be too small for my frame. You may say but if you get smaller then your boobs will be too big for your frame. That’s when I say ummm what’s the problem with that. LOL. I’m young and by the time I have to replace them (15 yrs) I would get smaller ones.

Next on the cancer train was my port placement. For some reason I was more nervous for this than my original mastectomy surgery. After talking with my oncologist (cancer doctor) we decided to get the port placed in my arm, a little above my inside elbow.  The port is a small catheter which goes under you skin and connects to a major vein. It has an special section where the nurses connect a needle to. This allows for easy delivery of medication. Also the nurses don’t have to look for a vein every time you need something.  Even though I’m only having 4 treatments I didn’t want to have to deal with getting stuck and dealing with the bruises. Especially since surgery I’ve had issues with my veins.

In any case the night before surgery the nurse form the hospital calls (while I’m doing my nails, b\c that’s what is important), and is asking me all these lovely questions. Then we start talking about blood pressure and IV placement. The thing is when you have a mastectomy you’re not supposed to have your blood pressure (BP) taken on your arm. Seeing that I had a double mastectomy I’m supposed to have the BP taken on my foot. The problem is that my foot BP is like 30+ points higher when it’s only supposed to be like 10 or 15. I’m also not supposed to get blood taken or IV’s placed in the arms. This is all due to lymphedema (where your arm swells up b\c the lymph fluid has no place to go). I didn’t have that many lymph nodes taken so I’m at a lower risk. However seeing that I got cancer at 26 I’m not trying to chance it. In any case he’s like we can discuss it in the AM. My nurse first asks me about the BP and I was like if it’s a one time BP then pls take it on my arm b\c my leg is SUPER high. She’s like ohh it’s one time and u won have to do it again. Next thing I know the anesthesiologist is asking me about taking my BP. I AGAIN re-explain the situation and he’s like ohh well take it on you leg it’s fine. After he tries to get the first reading he looks up to me and is like ohhh I need to take it on your arm so I can get a baseline..SMH. The nurse then says if she can get the IV in one stick I’m fine. I’m just like it’s 7am and I’m not in the mood. She sees a “Good Vein” and proceeds to put the IV in and guess what happens…NOTHING! So I have to get stuck in the top of my hand. After all that I get wheeled into the room. Slip over to the bed then they put me out. I wake up in recovery feeling good. My mom takes me home and I continue working (I worked in pre-op and post op) … No Judgment!

My Loveley IV (Check out them nails):

It Looked nice and neat when I woke up:

The Chemo train comes to town on Wednesday 5/2/2012 at 8am. Of course like everything else in my list it’s not on time! So I get there late by about 15 min. I wait another 20 and finally get called into the back. Nadia and I end up at this nice back corner with 2 recliners (the other rooms have a recliner and a chair). We wait another 20 min while all the ppl who got seated before us are now getting weighed and their ports accessed.  It’s not a quick process and we literally had like 7 women before us. My doctor works for the Memorial System in the breast cancer center at the regional hospital. It’s in a separate building across the street, and EVERYONE is super sweet. So because I had my port placed yesterday the nurse was extra gentle pulling off the wound dressing. We took it off and I nearly fell out my chair. I had the biggest ugliest bruise I ever had in my life. The actual incision doesn’t look bad but everything around it is awful. In any case the nurse begins to say she shouldn’t spray the area to numb it b\c I could damage the skin since it’s bruised. She says it just feels like a pin prick and I’m like ok. Her access the port was like 2 seconds and it 100% didn’t hurt.

So then I wait another 20 min or so for pharmacy to get my meds together. We get started at sometime after 10 and are done at 1:30 ish. The whole process goes a little something like this. You get a pre-treatment cocktail of preventative drugs for 20 min. It has anti-nausea, steroids and other stuff. Then I get my first drug for and hour and 15 and my second for an hour. They do each drug rather slowly so they can determine if you have any issues. On the second drug I had to ask her to slow it down b\c I was having sinus issues. That is one of the possible side effects so it wasn’t a biggie. After all of that we were done! I feel fine but a little tired. They say in order to keep the nausea away you must eat 5-6 meals a day and drink plenty of water. So I’m working on all of that. I’ll post before the end of the weekend explaining if I have any issues. Thanks for reading I know it was long. Below are the last two pictures which includes my SUPER bruised arm.

Nadia and I in our Super Comfy corner:

My ugly arm:

I Went to School

So on Tuesday I had my chemo teaching. It’s basically a 1:1 with my Oncologist’s Physician’s Assistant. She literally goes through step by step what is going to happen then writes up a document for me. This includes the 5 medications I will need during the lovely process. This includes drugs for everything from diarrhea, insomnia, sore throat, and of course nausea. The great thing is that before they even start giving me the chemo they will run a cocktail full of pre-drugs to combat all those side effects. I like how they call it a cocktail as if it’s a drink (and we all know I’m a fan of drinks)! They run the first infusion rather slowly because they want to make sure you don’t have any allergic reactions. So I’ll be at the breast cancer center for like 4 hours.  The place where I do my infusions is pretty nice. They have about 10 or 11 semi-private “rooms”. Everyone gets their own TV and there’s a chair for a visitor. I have told my mother than under no circumstance is she allowed to come with me on my first infusion. Don’t get me wrong I Love my mother to death …but she drives me a bit crazy. So my sister has been drafted for the job.

My 10 year high school reunion is on Saturday so I think it’s a good way to wrap up my “normalcy”. I’m not expecting to be housebound once I get started. With that said I do have to be careful about exposing myself to a lot of people. Everyone has germs and with chemo my immune system is going to be lower. Everyone knows i’m big on germs anyway so it’s no biggie for me. I just have to keep the hugs to a minimum. I don’t like handshakes anyway (germs) so that’s cool. So as I’m sitting here typing this post I’m actually at my mom’s doctor visit. The lady next to me sits down and starts coughing. Then she’s hacking and continuing to cough. She’s covering it up as much a possible but come on. So every time she coughs I hold my breath and turn away. Ten minutes later she covers her mouth with a paper towel. I’m going to need the nurses to call her into the office ASAP and get her out of my vicinity. At least I know she’s getting chemo so she’s probably not like sick..sick (or she would be in the hospital). Ohh and as I get home from taking my mom to her appointment I look at my driver front side and someone totally hit my car! Not like a big dent or anything but a scratch and scuff. It looks like I scuffed my shoes up but instead it’s my car..SMH. So now I have to try and see if I can get it buffed out. Seeing that I needed a good wax any we’ll see. Like they say no good deed goes unpunished!

Houston We Have a Date!

After playing let’s make a deal with my Oncologist I have an official start date -- 5/2/12. She of course wanted me to start this week but I have my 10 year reunion so that was a No Go.  Even though I’m cancer free and just doing a preventative measure, it’s not going to be a cake walk. My doctor is optimistic that I’ll handle the side effects like a champ J. I’m doing 4 infusions of Cytoxan and Taxotere, once every three weeks. I don’t have an official end date but I should be done somewhere around August.  When you do Chemo they usually put a port in your body. Think of a port like a direct line to your heart!  Typically the port is put in your chest but mine is going in my arm. You all know I’m fancy and the regular wouldn’t do! My doctor says that it’s a little less invasive this way and wont scar like the one on my arm. So the day before my first session I’ll be getting the port put in.

Yes my hair is going to fall out! I think that’s the suckiest part of this whole situation. The same drugs that kill the Cancer cells also kill good cells hence the hair falling out.  I had a year of I’m not my hair right after I went natural. I just straightened my hair for the first time in over 6 months. So let’s say my hair is going out with a bang, because it looks awesome!  I’m not sure if I will want to wear a wig or what. I have a vague mental plan on what I’m going to do (because you know I love planning), but we’ll see what happens. I watched this video of this lady with a rare type of cancer shaving her hair. With her husband and daughter there to give her kisses and cheer her on it was so sad but cute at the same time.

                Tomorrow I have a busy cancer day. Fills first followed by a “Chemo Teaching”. The teaching is a 1:1 with my doctor’s assistant to discuss what chemo is going to be like and side effects. Of course I’ve already asked if I need to stop doing my nails. .. because that’s what is really important...LOL. In any case my reunion is on Friday so I’m having an AWESOME weekend before everything gets put on a pause for 3 months. It’s not like I can’t go out and etc but when you do chemo your white blood count drops because of the drugs attacking your system. When the count is low you are more susceptible to illnesses. A common cold while you’re on chemo could put you in the hospital. Anyone who knows me knows that I am already careful when it comes to germs. I’ll put another post after I learn more about chemo tomorrow. In the meantime sending lots of love and laughter :). Below is a picture of me after my hair is blown out and pressed.

God is on my Side!

Watching Giuliana and Bill on TV had me thinking about a lot of stuff. For those of you who don’t know the show is about Giuliana from the E network, and the life she has with her husband. Late last year she got diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy which had bad margins then ended up with a bilateral mastectomy (the same thing I did).  A lumpectomy is where they just take the lump out. The “margin” is where the look at the tissue surrounding where the lump was and see if there is any cancer in there. Her margins weren’t good so she had to do more surgery. Giuliana then proceeded to talk about how she was hosting an awards show before surgery and the dress kept slumping down. She was so upset and ended up realizing she was just angry at her boobs. I can say that I never had that feeling. As angry as I was at the whole situation I believe my faith helped me get find acceptance. Every once in again I would look down at them and say REALLY! Like come on ! I distinctly remember when the doctor called to tell me it was cancer. In my mind I was like ok so u have cancer what’s the next step. My faith helped me to have an early understanding. I have always been a believer that God isn’t going to give me anything I can’t handle. I look at some of the ladies on the online discussion boards and some of them are in so much despair. I thank God very day for letting me live another day and finding this thing when I did.

On a side not I got another fill on Monday. It was just as easy at is was the two previous times. We only did 60Cc’s again. The nurse again was so nice and saying how impressed she is with how much skin I have and how good it’s going to look. After the fill I’m a small B now. I can’t help but wonder how many more we have to go. I explained to the nurse that I was a D before all this and she was so shocked. She’s like you have such a small frame for that. I was like umm I used to have more weigh and then when I lost the weight I went down to a C. I think it’s soo funny that she said I have a smaller frame for someone who was a D. I’m like what u see as small I def don’t see. I have body issues but that’s a different story for another day. In any case next time I go in I’m going to ask how many more fills I need. Originally they said from 6-8. However we’re only doing 60 per sitting so I’m not sure how many more I’ll have to do.

I have a meeting with my Oncologist on Thursday to discuss chemo. I was supposed to meet her last week Friday but that didn’t happen because my test results weren’t in.  Of course as they try and re-schedule me the admin picks some random time. I was like ohh that’s not going to work for me. I swear the lady paused as if I was crazy. I was like I have 2 meetings which I can’t move. Not for nothing but don’t call me the day before an appointment and tell me it has to be re-scheduled. I know it’s the oncologist and it’s literally life or death but I’m still living my life here. I’m working, staying involved in my church and living my life until the fullest.

Fill Me Up!

I got my first fill today. Thank the LORD! I didn’t do another post last week because  I was really irked about the fill and other things. . On Wednesday I went in to get my fill and it didn’t happen. The doctor said my range of motion wasn’t good enough so I had to come back on Wednesday. I didn’t even know there was a stipulation to me getting fills. I was so shocked I didn’t even ask him where my range had to be. So I came home and was pissed for a couple of days. All the doctor said was you need to be more diligent with the stretching exercises. Yah ok!  In any case I go in today and the nurse doesn’t even ask my range of motion but starts to tell me about the fill process.

So it all starts with a magnet. Apparently the port on the expander has a magnet which helps the nurses find the insertion point. After they find the insertion point they clean the area and insert the needle. The nurse has two 60cc syringes.  So she pushed the needle into what’s left of my boob and then emptied the syringe into it (not really the boon but the expander). One woman said it was like a science project! My boobs literally grew in front of my eyes. There was no pain (I’m numb on most of my chest area and on the sides), and only a little blood. She put one band aid on each insertion site and then that was it. I’m sure my lovely clinical explanation was very clear to everyone. Just in case it was over anyone’s head I found a You-tube video. The video is animated so no worries about things being graphic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9B23xnIoTw. I don’t see a big difference since the fill but maybe after the next one or two fills.

 In any case on a side note I love it when ppl tell me I sound good. My response if of course I do! I didn’t have surgery on my throat. If your one of the ppl who has asked me I don’t mind J. I mostly get it from my family. I guess ppl think that just because you had surgery you should be laid up in bed or sound all crappy. I had Cancer but I’m good! People need to remember Cancer is not a death sentence. Notice I said I “had” cancer. My doctors say I’m cancer free so I’m keeping it in the past tense. Even if I lose my hair (Chemo), or feel all crappy I’ll still be me! I’m too cute to be anything but awesome! Thanks for all the support.

What a week!

It was one of those weeks where everything and nothing happened all at the same time. I had 2 doctors appoitments and I dipped my toe back into working. I also cooked chilli and baked a cake from scratch (including icing). I've been intending to post another entry on the blog but my days kept getting away from me. So that's why it's some random time of morning and out of sheer guilt I'm doing an update.

So the drains are out! I ended up getting them pulled on Tuesday. When I called the Plastic Surgeons office on Monday they said the output was too high and to call back tomorrow. I called and they said come on in, even though well probably only pull one. So I waited for Nadia to get home then she drove me into the office. Of course as we get there..it starts to pour. The office was nice and empty at this time of day (late afternoon), and I made a mental note to make sure this is the time I always come in. I swear sometimes I go in there and you would think they were giving out free procedures. In any case my surgeons nurse comes in and is like yah I think we should take both and says "it's time" ...as if were delivering a baby. I had already read online in the Breast Cancer discussion boards that it doesn't hurt. The nurse takes a look at my incisions and says they look good. She then cuts the strings that were holding the drains in place. We then go on to discuss how it doesn't hurt but feels a bit weird. She tell me to breath in and hold it as she pulls it out. Each drain takes 2 seconds to come out. It does feel weird...kind of like something is being pulled through your chest....because it is! I then ask all the important questions.

1. Can I take a full shower now - her answer is yes
2. Can I drive - Yes but let's take baby steps and only emergencys right now. Next week you can start driving more regular.
3. When can we start filling me up - Next week Wednesday.

I told the nurse it was like Christmas in March and she had made my day!

g
Next stop on the cancer train was a meeting with my Medical Oncologist (MO) on Friday. We discussed the pathology report in more detail. Turns out my tumor came back grade 3, when the original grade from December biopsy was grade 2 (grade 3 is worse). I was a little surprised about that. However on the bright side 1. No lymph nodes showed cancer 2. The official size of the tumor is 1.5 so that keeps me in stage 1. Doctors will "re-stage" you after surgery because more information is known at that time. I exepcted other outcomes from surgery so I'm happy God continued to bless me with good findings. Some ladies end up with masses intheotherbreast, lymph node involvement and a whole host of issues. Biggest news of the week is she's declaring me Cancer Free!

Now that I'm cancer free the discussion moved over to how to keep me that way....the dreaded chemo talk. My doctor starts off by saying chemo is a definite. Last time we spoke she said it was highly probable so no surprise there. She began to discuss the two courses of treatment and what the other MO's think about my case. One course has harsher medicine than the other. She doesn't think I need the harsher meds. We actually look at a tool which the docs use to tell you what your chances of reoccuracne are with the different treatments. Not having my lymph nodes involved gives me a 20% chance of this not coming back! In any case we talk about another test which is also used to help decide which chemo. It takes about 3 weeks to come back. I thought it was already ordered but the MO says she prefers to discuss it with patients after their surgery findings. So we've ordered the test and will move on from there. I'm not happy or sad about it just trying to keep moving.

Of course with my personality I'm trying to figure how chemo fits into my busy schedule. Nadia has a big birthday in September plus illprobaby start chemo right before or after my 10 year reunion...SMH. The schedule that ill probably be on is one dose every 3 weeks with a total of 4 doses. In theory it doesn't sound bad. I can still get boob fills evenif I'm on chemo but I can't do the exchange for the final implants until a couple weeks after chemo is done. I know God has brought me this far and will carry me through.

Drain, Drain, Go Away

So besides the muscle pain one of the most annoying things post surgery are my drains. The drains are little plastic tubing that are in my breast (or what's left of them)that come out below my armpit and collect fluid into little bulb looking things. The reasoning for them is the disruption of my lymph system. Due to the doctor digging out all that tissue the lymph system is a little off and needs somewhere to drain....in come the tubing. Twice a day I empty and measure the drains. In theory it's gross but there isn't any smell or anything. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE bodily fluids, but somehow I manage this task. Upon my departure from the hospital I got a "drain belt" oh the bulb fluid collectors have little tabs which can be inserted into the velcro belt and worn under clothes. How nice of them to create something which has me feeling like a gun slinger. Every time I sit down or reposition myself in bed I have to make sure I'm not pulling on the tubing. It's quite annoying and a bit nerve wracking at times; in any case I'm hoping to get them pulled tomorrow. The left one isn't draining properly but I'm not sure what the Plastic Surgeon (PS) will do. I know that I'm ready to be rid of these things and start filling up!

I haven't been updating my blog as much as I would like. It's not like I'm soooo busy or anything. Sometime I feel like I'm watching paint dry and other times it's 5pm and I don't know how it happened. I'm not sure when I'll be cleared to drive but its on my list of questions for tomorrow. I'm 100% over feeling like a prisoner in my house. Im at the mercy of everyone else and it's not fun. Plus driving is one of my favorite pastimes.

Next Step

So I've been home for two days now. The surgery and hospital stay seams like eons ago. Of course as everyone says I don't remember having surgery. I got to the hospital ontime for 830. I went into pre-op and changed my clothes. My sister came in to get my stuff and was going to meet me in holding. I was wheeled over to holding where I got my IV and asked 20 billion questions. After my initial IV my anestigiologist put in a central line. I totally didn't know that was the plan and didn't realize at first it was going into my external jugular vein. In any case I didn't feel anything. In the meantime I had two different ppl come check on me who weren't involved in my surgery. My mom is a nurse and knows some ppl who work in the surgery floor where I was having surgery. They wanted to make sure I was ok and well taken care of. One of the girls Ive know for years ended up being one of the OR nurses. She was the one who's voice I first heard when I woke up.

The world continued to be be small as my recovery nurse used to work with my mom at her hospital. And my sister treated the lady's daughter for speech therapy. One of the first things I asked when I woke up was what time is it...lol. My surgery was a total of 4 hours even tho the initial estimate was for 6. It turns out that the lymph nodes on my cancer side were negative so they didn't take any out! So that's a big thing. Chances that my cancer has spread is pretty slim. This also helps when it comes to recovery. When I was in recovery I was on two different types of narcotics and some antibiotics. But then I started itching. Turns out I was allergic to the narcotics. It took another 2 hours before I got to my room due to a shift change and different pain meds, since I was allergic to the other meds. Over the next two days in the hospital it turns out I'm allergic to all the narcotic pain meds. I end up itching and morphine gave me hives.So I would literally start some meds then with the first couple hours I would start itching.

Overall my stay in the hospital wasn't bad. My sister stayed with me both nights. Every day I would get a little stronger and more independent. There is no such thing as modesty when your unable to move your arms more than a couple inches. My sister was such a trooper and would do everything from scratch my nose to wipe my butt. My mother now knows about my tattoos and adds her two cents whenever she's giving me a bath. It's quite comical because i just glaze over it like she isn't saying anything.

Almost There

So I saw the plastic surgeon yesterday. It was quite uneventful. I will say I've been looking at women's boobs a lot now. I've been comparing and making my wish list. I figure mine will look fake and I'm completely ok with that. They have these shirts that say "Yes they're fake, my old ones tried to kill me". I definitely have to get myself a couple of those.

The whole process is a bit odd, to say the least. So what happens is during surgery,
my breast surgeon (BS) takes all the breast tissue out. They call it a skin sparing masectomy because she leaves all the skin (with the expectation of the nipple...more on that later).They used to cut off all your breast including the skin and leave barely anything..... Thank God for technology. Unfortunatley due to the type and location of the cancer I cant keep my nipples. There is of course a chance if I tried to keep them, I would get cancer in them at some later point.

So after the BS is done I have a skin pocket where my boobs used to be. Then the plastic surgeon comes in and places Tissue Expanders under my pec muscle.I'll basically be coming out of surgery flat chested...lol. That is going to be an interesting sight! I havent been flat chested since Elementary School. The Expanders will get filled once a week to make space for the implants.So they are like little ballons which get filled with salience. The plastic surgeon said 6 weeks and I'll be done. After I'm done "Expanding" well do an "Exchange" and I get my implants. Then after that NIPPLES (said in my best excited voice). Who would have thunk it! Technology is soo crazy.

Next stop on the cancer train is the Sentinal Node Mapping....more on that joy later! In the meantime keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

Yes Both of Them!

So I’m at the doctor for my surgical clearance and I’m in with the nurse. She’s talking about what’s in my file and asking about the type of surgery etc. When I respond that  I’m have a Bi-lateral Mastectomy (getting rid of both of them) she’s like what! Then turns around stunned. She then begins to say... But it’s only in one breast and you’re so young. I’m Like yah your right but I have a 95% chance of getting it in the other one. My chances of getting breast cancer again increase by 1% every year. By the time I’m 60 it’s like 33%. I’m sooo good on those odds. Deciding on a Bi-Lateral was the easiest decision of them all. I remember seeing Christina Applegate go through her whole thing. My sis and I said if it was ever us we would cut off the other one. This was even before we knew what the odds were like. Not for nothing, but your trying to kill me so our relationship is done! All I can do is look down at them and say REALLY! REALLY! Plus who doesn’t want bigger better boobs? I would have liked to get them a different way but I have to make the best of a bad situation.

See it all started in the shower…. I felt a lump. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t doing an exam b\c I really wasn’t good on remembering those. I was like hmm that’s weird. Let me tell the doctor and I need to make an appointment anyway for some other stuff. Two mammograms, two ultrasounds, and a biopsy later it’s CANCER! I was thrown into a world I knew nothing about. Of course at first I’m like umm we don’t have family history so where is it coming from. The biopsy was interesting b\c they literally stick a needle in your breast (guided by an ultrasound) to take a sample. This machine makes sucking noises and viola, you have a sample.

Knowing me I started to Google things (after the shock wore off)and found a web-site breastcancer.org. It’s the best because the women on the discussion board post all types of things and it’s organized. I can’t Project Manage this entire process but I’m still trying to be as prepared as possible. I have lists of questions for all my surgeons and packing lists for the hospital. It’s weird to be sick but not feel it. I’m still working crazy hard and still involved in church. My life goes on and I’m trying to keep everything as normal as possible until they wheel me into the Operating Room. Life happens when you’re not looking. With the Faith I have in my God and the support of my family and friends I’ll be ok.

Xanax is made for days like this!

Ok so I’m 17 days from surgery and I decided to finally start a blog about this interesting and difficult journey I’m on. I will post one day this week and actually explain the whole "story" but today; I found the need to just say how I feel.

 When I first met my Oncologist I asked if there was anything I could take for my nervous stomach even OTC. I was 3 days post diagnosis and needless to say my head was still spinning and my stomach didn’t want to settle. I literally hadn’t been able to hold any sustenance in my stomach for days. She asked me if I was depressed… I looked to Nadia and said I don’t think so. Then asked a couple of other questions and said she couldn’t suggest anything OTC but it’s probably related to anxiety. She gave me a low dose of Xanax and I was like ohh ok.

In the days that came I didn’t need them. Just talking with her made me feel so much better that my stomach calmed down. However as I continued to play the waiting game my fear and nerves came in full force. I would literally sit there and stare off into space and THINK. I believe I was thinking so hard I couldn’t even remember all the thoughts going on. I don’t remember what day I first took the little pill but I can remember feeling 10X better.


In any case I say all of that to explain I’m having a Xanax kind of day. Some days I’m just plain overwhelmed. Thinking about all the things I need to do and still haven’t finished can make your head spin. Of course being a project manager doesn’t help the situation. There are so many areas of inefficiency that I see. Of course I try to PM everything that I can because I know so many things are out of my control. Until I’m sitting on that gurney I’ll let go and let flow what I can..but I know the PM in me will still be seeing things which can be done better.