God is on my Side!

Watching Giuliana and Bill on TV had me thinking about a lot of stuff. For those of you who don’t know the show is about Giuliana from the E network, and the life she has with her husband. Late last year she got diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy which had bad margins then ended up with a bilateral mastectomy (the same thing I did).  A lumpectomy is where they just take the lump out. The “margin” is where the look at the tissue surrounding where the lump was and see if there is any cancer in there. Her margins weren’t good so she had to do more surgery. Giuliana then proceeded to talk about how she was hosting an awards show before surgery and the dress kept slumping down. She was so upset and ended up realizing she was just angry at her boobs. I can say that I never had that feeling. As angry as I was at the whole situation I believe my faith helped me get find acceptance. Every once in again I would look down at them and say REALLY! Like come on ! I distinctly remember when the doctor called to tell me it was cancer. In my mind I was like ok so u have cancer what’s the next step. My faith helped me to have an early understanding. I have always been a believer that God isn’t going to give me anything I can’t handle. I look at some of the ladies on the online discussion boards and some of them are in so much despair. I thank God very day for letting me live another day and finding this thing when I did.

On a side not I got another fill on Monday. It was just as easy at is was the two previous times. We only did 60Cc’s again. The nurse again was so nice and saying how impressed she is with how much skin I have and how good it’s going to look. After the fill I’m a small B now. I can’t help but wonder how many more we have to go. I explained to the nurse that I was a D before all this and she was so shocked. She’s like you have such a small frame for that. I was like umm I used to have more weigh and then when I lost the weight I went down to a C. I think it’s soo funny that she said I have a smaller frame for someone who was a D. I’m like what u see as small I def don’t see. I have body issues but that’s a different story for another day. In any case next time I go in I’m going to ask how many more fills I need. Originally they said from 6-8. However we’re only doing 60 per sitting so I’m not sure how many more I’ll have to do.

I have a meeting with my Oncologist on Thursday to discuss chemo. I was supposed to meet her last week Friday but that didn’t happen because my test results weren’t in.  Of course as they try and re-schedule me the admin picks some random time. I was like ohh that’s not going to work for me. I swear the lady paused as if I was crazy. I was like I have 2 meetings which I can’t move. Not for nothing but don’t call me the day before an appointment and tell me it has to be re-scheduled. I know it’s the oncologist and it’s literally life or death but I’m still living my life here. I’m working, staying involved in my church and living my life until the fullest.