Ok so I’m 17 days from surgery and I decided to finally start a blog about this interesting and difficult journey I’m on. I will post one day this week and actually explain the whole "story" but today; I found the need to just say how I feel.
When I first met my Oncologist I asked if there was anything I could take for my nervous stomach even OTC. I was 3 days post diagnosis and needless to say my head was still spinning and my stomach didn’t want to settle. I literally hadn’t been able to hold any sustenance in my stomach for days. She asked me if I was depressed… I looked to Nadia and said I don’t think so. Then asked a couple of other questions and said she couldn’t suggest anything OTC but it’s probably related to anxiety. She gave me a low dose of Xanax and I was like ohh ok.
In the days that came I didn’t need them. Just talking with her made me feel so much better that my stomach calmed down. However as I continued to play the waiting game my fear and nerves came in full force. I would literally sit there and stare off into space and THINK. I believe I was thinking so hard I couldn’t even remember all the thoughts going on. I don’t remember what day I first took the little pill but I can remember feeling 10X better.
In any case I say all of that to explain I’m having a Xanax kind of day. Some days I’m just plain overwhelmed. Thinking about all the things I need to do and still haven’t finished can make your head spin. Of course being a project manager doesn’t help the situation. There are so many areas of inefficiency that I see. Of course I try to PM everything that I can because I know so many things are out of my control. Until I’m sitting on that gurney I’ll let go and let flow what I can..but I know the PM in me will still be seeing things which can be done better.
In the days that came I didn’t need them. Just talking with her made me feel so much better that my stomach calmed down. However as I continued to play the waiting game my fear and nerves came in full force. I would literally sit there and stare off into space and THINK. I believe I was thinking so hard I couldn’t even remember all the thoughts going on. I don’t remember what day I first took the little pill but I can remember feeling 10X better.
In any case I say all of that to explain I’m having a Xanax kind of day. Some days I’m just plain overwhelmed. Thinking about all the things I need to do and still haven’t finished can make your head spin. Of course being a project manager doesn’t help the situation. There are so many areas of inefficiency that I see. Of course I try to PM everything that I can because I know so many things are out of my control. Until I’m sitting on that gurney I’ll let go and let flow what I can..but I know the PM in me will still be seeing things which can be done better.
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